4 easy steps to solving all your problems
Step 1 - there are no easy steps
The problems in my life are becoming more complex the deeper into middle age I get. Perhaps you too are finding that many of the problems in life are actually unsolvable. Some of these problems are my own. Others belong to friends, loved ones, co-workers, and other constituents. But this isn’t math class any more - there isn’t always a clear answer.
As more and more of these are surfacing, it has forced me to dig into the nature of problems themselves. As someone who loves solving problems, leaving something unsolved or not being able to reach a satisfactory answer can be incredibly frustrating.
As well, learning how to carry the psychological weight of an unanswered question feels critical to navigating them well.
In contemplating, there are 4 steps that have surfaced as helpful.
Step 1 - Diagnose the Problem
First, we need to determine what category of problem it belongs to. We can begin to examine the problem by considering 2 different dimensions.
The first dimension is whether the problem is answerable or unanswerable. Some problems by their very nature cannot be solved. The earlier you can determine if this is true of a given problem you are encountering, the better. This allows you to determine the right amount of effort to apply.
The second dimension is how pleasant or unpleasant the problem is. Some problems are pleasant to work on. The hobbyist tinkerer working in their workshop on the weekends is an easy example.
With these two dimensions in mind, we can develop a simple 2x2 matrix.
Problems can be:
Answerable and pleasant
Unanswerable and pleasant
Answerable but unpleasant
Unanswerable and unpleasant
The first category of problems are ‘answerable and pleasant.’ If you like task accomplishment, these are the best type to face. You can make a list of things to do and knock them out with generally an enjoyable degree of effort.
The second category are unanswerable but pleasant. These are often optimization problems. Something works, but isn’t ideal. You can try to figure out how to improve the situation and move towards a better state. The key is that the ideal state is not ultimately reachable - there will always be something else to try. Beware of these mirage problems - they can absorb a massive amount of energy if you aren’t careful.
Unpleasant and answerable problems are ‘gnarly problems.’ Gnarly problems can be figured out, it is just that the process for doing is painful. This is the calculus homework from high school or organic chemistry in college. There is an answer that you can get to, but the whole experience is awful.
The final square is problems that are unanswerable and unpleasant. We are going to consider these in greater detail below, but simply these problems are more about endurance and boundary management.
Step 2 - If the problem has a solution, what is required to get to it?
For answerable problems, in addition to whether solving it is pleasant or unpleasant, it is worth considering two additional aspects - how long it will take to solve and how much effort will be required?
Consider:
Short time, low effort - These are problems you should knock out as quickly as possible. These are easy wins.
Short time, high effort - these are 'sprints' - like cramming for a final exam or trying to draft a paper last minute. Sometimes these are unavoidable, some times they are. A caveat - if you find yourself regularly dealing with these - there may be a bigger issue here of not managing your schedule correctly. If everything becomes a five-alarm fire, the best solution is not to be a better firefighter, it's to stop the arsonist.
Long time, low effort problems - these are things like taking care of your health. The key here is persistence over an extended period of time. Lots of the basics about health management - diet, good sleep, exercise are much more about the consistent application of force over an extended period.
Long time, high effort - these are a life's work. This is about the choice to do something where you believe you can make an impact. Your life should only contain 1, maybe 2 things that fit in this category. Any more than that and you will not have the bandwidth to accomplish that impact.
Step 3, If there is no solution and it’s unpleasant, can you avoid the problem entirely?
For unanswerable problems, we need to introduce one final consideration, the degree of avoidability.
For some unanswerable problems, the best way to handle is to avoid them entirely. The clearest example of this are toxic people. These people bring nothing positive to your life, and are unfixable. As such, the best way to handle is to avoid them as much as possible.
For some unanswerable problems, they are not entirely avoidable. Instead, they must be managed by setting boundaries.
Here you likely cannot avoid the problem entirely, instead you need to limit the amount of time, energy and heartache that it is able to bring into your life.
Step 4, when there is no solution and you can’t avoid, you must endure.
The final group of unanswerable problems have to be faced head one. In many ways, this is what defines suffering. These problems cannot be avoided nor fixed. Instead, they must be endured.
How to face suffering is one of the great mysteries of the human condition.
And I’m not sure I have much to add to that dialogue at this stage of my life.
Many years ago, Paul Schervish postulated that one of the markers of the wealthy was what he termed their “hyper agency.” These individuals were marked not only by their ability to have agency in their lives - aka the ability to take control and act, but moreover, by their ability to bend reality itself to their desires. If they need a law changed to do something, they have it changed, etc.
In our tech enabled world, the mentality of hyper agency is far more diffused across society.
Far too often, I believe that problems shouldn’t happen in my life. And if they do, they should be able to be dispatched with quickly.
The point of the 4 steps above is not necessarily to lead you quickly to an answer. It is to help orient you to what is reasonable to expect out of life itself.
The more problems I encounter, the more I realize, that it is not the problem that needs to change, but me and how I respond to it.