Is the Grass Greener?
What Codependent dyads tell us about the world
We do not have to be taught the saying “the grass is greener on the other side.” It is instinctual for us to look at the circumstances of others and want to switch roles. It is easy to identify one role and say it is preferable to the other.
When I started my career, I took this perspective literally. Independence is a core value of mine and I wanted a role that seemed to offer that.
Instead, what I found surprised me. In nearly everything, at its core, is a unique relationship that I call a 'codependent dyad.'
Allow me to explain.
In my own world of the financial markets, it seemed obvious to me early on that my goal should be to get as quickly as possible to making investment decisions. In the capital markets, doesn’t the person with the money have the most independence and agency?
And yet, when you spend time with investors - i.e. someone running a hedge fund or private equity fund - what do you find? Certainly they have assets that they are deploying. But they too have another layer - the allocators who gave them the capital to manage.
Hence the dyad, a pair, mutually dependent on each other. The investor needs the asset allocator, as much as the allocator needs the investor.
Take a completely different world - the world of art.
Despite the classical ambition of ars gratia artis (art for the sake of art), there is codependence that exists between artist and audience. Each side needs the other for the world of art to exist.
These pairs exist nearly everywhere. Teacher and student. Pastor and parishioner. Charity and funder.
My earlier thinking was wrong.
There was not a place of singular independence of action or thought. Instead, there is a core of mutual engagement and service.
On the bad days it is easy to look at greener grass with envy. And in fact, you may have skills better suited for the other side of the table.
But recognize, you both are at the table together - the same table.