Making space
In filling emptiness, we miss a deeper truth. Space can be deeply soothing and therapeutic.
I was elbow deep in a closet when I had an epiphany. In the summer of 2003, we sold the house I grew up in. For 8 weeks, I came home from summer school each weekend to help get the house ready to be put on the market.
I can tell you the exact moment that my thinking changed - somewhere mid-July, I was cleaning out a closet and near the back, found a Costco sized jar of Elmer's glue. No doubt from a school project years ago - but untouched for at least 5 years. It had a space to occupy. It wasn't causing visual clutter. So it remained.
But why keep it?
We often point to use, to purpose, when deciding on what to keep or toss. That is the easy but wrong path to an answer. Things often stay because they have a place. There is no need to evaluate further.
What I have since realized was that there is a deeper truth at play. Nature abhors a vacuum, and so do people. If we have the space available, we will fill it. We don’t have to be on TLC’s Hoarders for that to be true.
Instinctively, we have a deep discomfort with emptiness.
Consider the insights of Edward Bernays, "the father of public relations." As described in The Fish that Ate the Whale, Bernays understood that the best way to encourage Americans to consume more after WWII [and utilize all the excess post-WWII industrial capacity] was to have architects design more and larger closest spaces in homes.
As builders built these homes, people naturally began to buy more because they had the space to store their additional purchases.
But in filling the emptiness, we miss a deeper truth. Space can be deeply soothing and therapeutic.
The paintings of Mark Rothko are massive and simple in using large blocks of color. Within this simplicity lies much of their beauty.
My favorite garden in Nashville is the Japanese garden at Cheekwood. Its balance of space and emptiness creates a deeply resonate sense of harmony when you sit in its midst.
How mindful are we of our relationship to space? Have you thought about it recently?
Unless we are conscientious, space in our lives becomes easily filled.
This is true of physical space in closets, but also true with time and money as well.
Collectively our schedules are bursting at the seems. The most common refrain of we hear from fellow parents is about how many activities their kids have. Unplanned or not, there is very little space available in the household calendar.
Does it have to be that way? Could you say no to the 3rd, 6 year old birthday party this month? Or what if your child did not play travel sports (I know, dangerously close to the third rail)? All of these choices create spaces of time.
Our budgets are no different. Years ago, I learned one of my “favorite facts” - namely that spending is largely consistent by category no matter the income. So for example, if the average consumer spends 4% of their income on clothing - that is true whether they are making $100k, $250k, a million, or more.
The implication of this - your budget gains no space even as your income grows. You just trade out the $200 sweater for the $2,000 sweater.
Consider the alternative - what if you kept your spending the same? Almost by default, you would generate 'space' in your budget.
For most, there are ways to create space in our homes, calendars, budgets, etc.
The problems arises of what do we do with this space?
How will we fill our time if we are not scheduled to death? What will we do with money that does not have to be spent immediately?
Learning to live within open space can be uncomfortable at the outset, but on the other side, if we will wait and persist is tremendous freedom.