Parenting the first born
Do you feel like you are a much better parent for your younger kids than your first born?
Do you feel like you are a much better parent for your younger kids than your first born? I know I do.
And as a first born, I get it.
With the first, there is the fear of the unknown and novelty. Everything that happens is new, and there is no context to help calibrate. This brings an energy and intensity that can be helpful. But more often, it is mainly just me over-reacting or over-worrying about something that is most likely going to be fine.
With each successive child, the fear and novelty are lessened. You have a body of knowledge and experience that may give you some tools for parenting each successive child. Even if that past experience is not directly relevant, you at least have a framework for problem solving.
The final kiddo has the benefit of parents who are a lot more experienced. I can see with a lot more perspective and I think the net impact is that I'm much more comfortable letting him just be at his age and stage. Maybe knowing how quickly each stage passes gives me the chance to enjoy each stage as it comes with the final one.
In light of this, I've decided to give myself a new challenge.
Can I bring the same mentality from my final kiddo to my first born?
Can I envision out 5-6 years from now, knowing that everything most likely will turn out fine?
And can I then parent from that place?
How would that change my parenting in the present moment?
Would I encourage more? Ask better questions? Discipline more (or less)?
This sounds amazing as a thought model. But is it even possible to bring that mentality and orientation into moments when emotions are high or the risks feel as real as they are ever going to be?