Why it's so hard to be intentional
and what can be done about it
If being intentional is so critical to living life well, why is it so darn hard?
Assuming you agree that the pursuit of a meaningful life is worthwhile, as we discussed a few weeks ago, why does it seem so few are attempting to do so? Few discuss the concept, even fewer seek to bring it to life. Instead, we feel lost or distracted.
Starting a new path forward requires intention. Intention to begin anew, to go a different direction. For most of us though, there are several obstacles blocking our path forward.
Below I walk through four common obstacles and suggest possible paths forward.
Confusion
Some avoid intention because they are confused. The path forward seems too uncertain or unclear to be actionable.
Confusion has many root causes. For many, they are not naturally introspective. They do not know how to wade into a complex topic and develop a plan of action. For others, even if they may have an idea of where to go, but they are confused by how to begin. Or there may be simply too much change in the world to determine the correct path.
If this is you, consider finding a guide to help. Many things that are confusing to us, are not confusing to someone who has walked through similar circumstances. A degree of distance by not being emotionally involved can also provide clarity.
Find a friend / mentor / consultant who you can talk it out with.
Fear of pain
We are a comfort-loving and pain avoiding species. Far too many do not try because they do not want to do the work required. For some, the status quo is just too compelling. Things are ok enough that the hassle of change feels insurmountable.
But pain is unavoidable.
It is either consciously faced and embraced or it will surface eventually in the form of regret and loss. The gym is painful today, but helps to avoid the long term pain of being unhealthy. The couch today is comfortable, but the longer-term consequences are painful.
The path forward is to shrink your first step forward into a step that is actually achievable. Don’t dismiss baby steps.
Failure
Failure also looms large in the minds of so many who might engage mightily with their world. If we set a direction and work towards it, we are acutely aware we may not get what we want.
What will I lose if I fail? Reputation? Money? Relationships? The cost whatever the potential gain can appear too great. Failure can be an excellent teacher, if you are willing to separate its lessons from a judgement about yourself.
Work as hard as you can to minimize the potential loss. Start the new business as a side hustle before quitting your job, etc.
Baggage from the past
Some dare not proceed with intention because of deep seated wounds. The accompanying shame lead to a paralysis that feels insurmountable. The foundation of a house must be strong before it can be built upon. Much trauma has such deep effects that it must be addressed first.
I would highly recommend finding a trusted therapist or counselor to begin to work through these matters. The greatest gift you can give yourself is doing this sort of work.
You can try and bury it, but I promise, it will be waiting for you come what may.
The path forward
The point I was making a few weeks ago was that our modern lifestyles and technology point us inward into ever greater self-absorption. If you disagree, consider watching any episode of Love Island…
A meaningful life begins with a shift in mentality. It moves from self knowledge/absorption/entertainment as the end all, towards a life of growth. A life oriented to service of the places and spaces we care about. It sees who we are as just a starting point to who we might become for the benefit of others.
Let’s figure out what blocks our path forward and move forward with great intention.