How to build a meaningful life
Who we are becoming matters. It offers hope to those sad about who they are. It offers direction and purpose for those whose delight in themselves rivals that of Dorian Gray.
The individualized lifestyles that [technologies] spawn seem to be deeply brutalizing to the human spirit
Sebastian Yunger, Tribe
I was already nervous on that early morning flight to Zurich in the spring of 2003. And even more so, when I realized that I couldn’t find the train that was going to leave exactly on time.
What was I doing there?
The rest of my friends had already left for their study abroad spring breaks across the Continent. Drinking in Barcelona, overnight trains to Prague.
And here I was trying to find someone who could translate the German signage so I could begin a train ride towards the Alps, and ultimately make my way to a quirky, Christian community to go read philosophy for three weeks.
Three months earlier I had a profound religious experience and I knew I needed time, space, and isolation to wrestle with the deep questions of life - specifically my own sense of purpose and meaning.
And so, the best next step seemed to involve parking myself on the side of a mountain and reading in community with others for a period of time.
I thought I knew my future vocation, but now I was unsure. Life is long and our work occupies a tremendous amount of time. Isn’t what we do with that time of vital importance? Shouldn’t we chose something that matters? What could I do that would have real meaning?
Meaning sounds irrelevant to our modern ears. Aren't we too busy, too important, and too self possessed for such considerations?
Yet below the surface, we are facing a quiet crisis of meaning. We have lost our collective sense of what it means to be human and what it means to live. And it has left us adrift - busy no doubt, but without ultimate direction.
Trading growth for dopamine
In older times, the question of meaning was easier to answer because the mere act of surviving was such an accomplishment. Longevity of self and species required growth - growth of food, family, and resources.
Growth was non-optional. It was the de facto meaning for all.
A harsher world did not afford as much choice as ours today. While it is easy to presume that a lack of choice is somehow limiting, growth as a primary pursuit is an innately appealing and massively centering force to life. It provides both work to do in the moment and psychic rewards later.
While we have more choice today, we have lost our zest for growth. As standards of living grew and larger portions of society achieved greater disposable incomes, the drive for growth went away and was replaced by consumption.
We directed our gaze inward to the work of self-definition, self-creation, and self-satisfaction. Our central quest became to find ourselves, and like trying to catch one’s shadow, it's not going well.
The feedback loops of praise from social media offer a "pseudo" fame that has all of the pressure, but none of the financial rewards of actual fame.
Envy is now manufactured and distributed at industrial and global scale through platforms like Instagram.
Intimacy has become transactional - a swipe away.
Ubiquitous and instantaneous delivery of e-commerce promotes overindulgence and laziness simultaneously.
This is all wrapped in an advertising culture that has elevated money and its power to greater and greater heights .
People lurch from consumption to experience to consumption, basking in the warmth of a steady dopamine drip.
And it is crushing us.
We must return to meaning
“The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.”
Jack London
Breaking this loop requires a shift from narcissism and a return to meaning. Meaning is not success. Success ebbs and flows. It is not constant, nor consistent.
Meaning is a life that is about something greater. A life with significance. A life lived to make the world, ourselves, and others better.
It is a life where growth is seen.
Not the hectic mad dash growth of those purely in pursuit of profit. No, it is the steady, unrelenting growth of the forest. It is a life that sees and enjoys beauty, and attempts to bring more of it into the world.
This is the meaning we hear praised at the funerals of those who have lived life well. A meaningful life does not mean that that it has to be grand in its ambition. It can be small, done with great care. In fact, it is most likely small.
A life of meaning is on offer to all.
A life lived this way is not devoid of the pleasures of modern life, but it tempers the expectations of them and is careful to avoid their drugging effects.
The Act of Becoming powers a life of meaning
“We know what we are, but not what we may be”
Shakespeare
The two great activities in building a life of meaning are Beholding and Becoming. Beholding is our response to the Divine and a topic for another day.
Becoming is the journey of growing into all we are capable of being. Becoming is in some ways very much en vogue and in other ways not at all.
Becoming sounds like our en vogue quest for authenticity, but is actually different.
Authenticity in our day is the quest to find our “true selves.” The risk of this quest is its inward focus. It appears like an archeology project - if I dig deep enough within, I will find what I'm looking for.
The danger is that the deeper we gaze inward, the more we become enamored with naval gazing and risk falling in. The ouroboros, the image of a snake eating its own tail, is replaced by an endless cycle of self-analysis followed by self-indulgence.
A never-ending loop of self-analysis leaves us lesser people - or as Sebastian Junger described is "deeply brutalizing to the human spirit."
Self absorption lacks transcendence and beauty - it robs us of the things that remind us that there is more to being human.
There is another path - the path of Becoming.
Becoming is different. It adds a future dimension. It begins with knowing the current self, but it is not done there.
On this path, growth again emerges as central to the well lived human life.
It asks the question - so what? In light of all your self knowledge, what next? What will you do?
Becoming is never done. We are never finished in the work of becoming who we may yet be.
Who we are becoming matters. It offers hope to those sad about who they are. It offers direction and purpose for those whose delight in themselves rivals that of Dorian Gray.
Begin with intentionality
The world is a very malleable place. If you know what you want, and you go for it with maximum energy and drive and passion, the world will often reconfigure itself around you much more quickly and easily than you would think.
Marc Andreessen
Maybe you buy into all this. The pursuit of a meaningful life and the path of Becoming. But how - where to begin?
Intentionality marks the entrance.
Intentionality is about the conscious choice to take a step. This is not the mystic setting 'an intention' while a gong chimes in the background.
Intention is a question of awakening, or as the Apostle Paul phrased it, “Awake, O sleeper, rise up from the dead."
We intuitively know this. When we encounter intention in the wild - it is dynamic and mesmerizing. These are people who are compelling to be around. Their lives have an orientation and a sense of activation that is alluring.
Intention is composed of two dimensions - “the why” and “the so what.”
Simon Sinek has taught us the importance of the why.
The challenge is that our why is not always discoverable before the fact. Many people flounder because they feel like they have not found their purpose, passion, etc.
It is easy to presume that without a why, you cannot move forward.
But that is not the case. In reality, the 'so what' is accessible to all, right now. We do not have to remain static if our why is unclear. You can get going.
Purpose often becomes apparent only through action.
Intention can begin with the following questions:
Where are the places I am already present? Consider your work, neighborhood, social relationships, hobbies, school, etc.
What is one clear step I can take to make one of those places a little bit better?
That's it - it is as simple as that. The simplicity of this approach is that it is oriented around growth. How can I contribute to the growth of the places I care about?
As you explore and discover, you will naturally uncover an ancillary question - who must I be to make this growth possible - aka the question of Becoming.
What does life lived this way look like?
Our world needs a wholesale reorientation.
The negative effects of our individualism are well documented by now. It is hollowing out our communities and ourselves. Instead of building lives of meaning, we are building lives of vapid superficiality.
There is a different path. A path towards greater meaning.
The path begins with intention - the choice to awaken and engage. The journey is one of Becoming - of growing into the people we might be.
I wrote recently about talent wielding, how we must consciously learn to use our talents with the greatest skill. The first part of using our talents this way is using them for a higher purpose.
What the world desperately needs are people who are aggressively seeking the growth and development of whatever small slice of the world they are responsible for.
This perspective is not solely about our work. This reorientation catalyzes and creates people who are massively engaged with their lives in all dimensions.
They embrace a massive orientation to action - to doing the right things. To living rightly.
Would we dare to pursue a whole heartedness in living that just might change the world in the process?